In the old, LONG, days...

One of Ethan's favorite shows is 'How It's Made' on the Science channel. He has loved this show since he was about two. I used to put it on thinking it would bore him to sleep, but instead he was fascinated by it, and starting requesting to watch it!

Just now, we were watching it, and they were showing cows getting milked, etc. I was explaining to him how farmers used to milk the cows by hand one at a time, instead of the automated way they have it now where machines do it, and the cows themselves choose when to come in to be milked.

His comment after this?
"Uh-huh. And the udders are like their ding dings, right? (His word for penis...but he was embarrassed when I said no they were boobies. Go figure....) And, Mom, you know in the old, LONG, days? Mountain Dew used to come in a huge square bottle like this! (He draws a rectangle in the air about a foot wide). It was REALLY big."

I managed to not laugh, but I did hop up to go blog it before I forgot!

You're not the boss of me...

"You're not the boss of me!"

How many times as a kid did you say that? Brings back memories, doesn't it?

Well, I heard it again tonight in the truck on the way home. We were in the driveway at my mom and dad's after dropping mom off. Ethan was swinging/spinning this large remote control car around by the wheels. It's going around and around and around, and I can just see it flying out of his hands and breaking his nose. I tell him that, and explain why I'm asking him to stop so he won't get hurt.


Ethan: Huh! YOU'RE not the boss of me!!
Me: (Oh, buddy, that was NOT the right thing to say to me or the right tone to say it in!) Oh really? I sure AM the boss of you! I'm your MOTHER!
Ethan: Uh-uh. You're not the boss of me. GOD is the boss of me!
Me: (Crap. How do you argue with that?) Well...You're right, that's true.

Me: But you know what? God is the boss of you and he put me in charge of taking care of you!
(Ha! Got the last word after all! And it actually worked and stopped the argument.... Amazing.)

Why did the chicken....?

Ethan told me a couple of jokes yesterday. They were actually real jokes that made sense and were pretty funny. He was very proud of himself. I, of course, have mommy brain and can't remember what they were.

Just now, Ethan missed a joke on one of his kids shows, so when he came back in the room, I told him he'd missed a good joke.

Ethan: What was it?
Me: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
Ethan: Because he was dead.

I am now laughing my butt off, because when we were kids, my brother, a.k.a. Uncle Aaron, used to go around saying 'Why did the chicken cross the road?........To get DEAD!' It's a family joke now that will never be forgotten. Anytime anyone says why did the chicken cross the road? we all say: To get dead!

So, for Ethan, who doesn't know about this, to answer similarly 'Because he was dead' just cracks me up! For other Ethan/Aaron eery similarities (beside that I'm always mixing up their names!) check out this post and this post from a few months back.

Back to the real joke,
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
I tell Ethan the punchline: To get to the other SLIDE!

He looks at me like I'm stupid and says: That's not a good joke. That isn't even funny!

Can't win around here. LOL.

Ethan: Now THIS is a funny joke:
What does a bee do when he gets married?
He gots his own HONEY!!!

Ho!!! (Slap to the head!!)

Ethan is a math nut. He loves it. He's learning addition and subtraction now. He loves to throw out random questions for me and see if I can answer them. They are usually something like " What is twenty hundred plus two?" or something oddball like that. But here is what I just got quizzed on (and it impressed the heck out of him that I knew the answers so fast!)

Ethan: Mom!!! What is THREE plus TWO.... (I capitalize here because he puts heavy emphasis on this as if they are HUGE numbers....)
Me: Five
Ethan: Here's a WAY hard one. What is Three MINUS Two?
Me: One
Ethan: (Majorly impressed!): HO!! (Slaps himself in the head!)

Can I have a mango?

Ethan came home willingly after playing at the spray park today and took a nap! Yea! He slept peacefully next to me while I lazed around and watched a movie....I just couldn't get motivated to work outside with it being 95 degrees out. And you all know what a good housekeeper I am, so of course there wasn't any work to do inside. Yeah right. But a movie in the dark seemed much better than sweating and working around the house. I hate the heat. And I'm trying really hard to not turn the air down below 78 during the day. If I had my choice, and unlimited money to pay the electric bill, it would be about 68 in here! So I opted for a movie instead of housework. I know, I know...you're all SHOCKED.

So, after a couple of hours of VERY peaceful napping with just an occasional snore, Ethan woke up crying. Out of nowhere.

He wakes up.

He's sobbing.

He says, "Can I have a mango or I can't??"

Me: You want a mango??????? (What??? Where the heck did that come from? Who dreams about being denied a mango???)
Ethan: (Lip quivering, still crying:) I just want a mango.
Me: You're crying because you want a mango?
Ethan: (Barely holding back the tears....little tiny SAD voice....)Yes. Just can I have a mango or I can't?
Me: We can buy one at the store next time. No problem. Were you dreaming about wanting a mango?
Ethan: No. (Still crying.... )I just want a mango!!
Me: Um....okay. Well we'll put it on our list. Does that make it better?
Ethan: (Lip quivering....trying not to cry.....saddest face you've EVER seen....:)Uh-huh.

Just in time for Mother's Day....

In honor of Mother's Day coming up this weekend, I thought I'd post a little bit of the appreciation I just received.

It's the end of a LONG day. After seeing the bed completely torn apart, with everything on the floor, and the mattress half off the bedframe, I asked Ethan to pick up the blankets and put the bed back together. Sometime in the next 30 minutes before dinner.


MELTDOWN. I mean LEVEL 12, MAJOR MELTDOWN.
Tears,
Kicking,
Screaming,
Thrashing around,
And.........

"YOU'RE THE BADDEST MOMMY IN THE WHOLE WORLD FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


Happy Mother's Day to me.

And.....on a happier note:
I received this in an email from another Mom friend today...
Which makes me cry whenever I read it:

A baby asked God, 'They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow,
but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?'
God  said, 'Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you'

The child further inquired, 'But tell me, here in heaven I don't have
to do anything but sing and smile to be happy.'
God said, 'Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you.
And you will feel your  angel's love and be very happy.'

Again the child asked, 'And how am I going to be able to understand
when people talk to me if I don' t know the language?'
God said, 'Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words
you will ever hear, and with much patience and care,
your angel will teach you how to speak.'

'And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?'
God said, 'Your angel will place your hands together and
will teach you how to pray.'

'Who will protect me?'
God said, 'Your angel will defend you even if it  means
risking its life.'

'But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.'
God  said, 'Your angel will always talk to you about Me and
will teach you the way to come back to Me,
even though I will always be next to you.'

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices
from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked,
'God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name.'

God said, 'You will simply call her, ' Mom'

Oh,  and I did just get an apology from Mr. Meltdown: 
"Mom, I'm sorry I called you the baddest Mommy
in the whole world.  I just want you to be the
goodest Mommy in the world."

Thanks, honey. 
(But I'm still not cleaning up your mess for you!)   :)

TWO years ago....

TWO years ago today, our little Nick-o joined the family!! Hooray!! So now we're officially in the 'terrible twos'. Yikes. Actually, if I remember right, the terrible twos are easy compared to the threes, so I think I'll just enjoy the calm before the storm. I can still remember being in that hospital room watching Ethan play with his "craw-craw" (crocodile) and turtle happy meal toys, and waiting, waiting, waiting....Then finally.....Nicholas Ryan Acker!! Wooo-hooo for you sweet boy!

Little Nicholas prepared for his big day today by going to bed at 1 o'clock yesterday.
Wow, you say, that's late for a one-almost-two-year old? No. I mean ONE in the AFTERNOON! That's right. He went to bed at 1pm for a nap, and woke up THE NEXT MORNING at 8 am. Now, I can't guarantee that he wasn't awake at some point in between, but he was sure asleep every time I checked in on him, and if he woke up in the night he was quiet enough that I couldn't hear it even with the baby monitor cranked up way louder than usual. Gotta get some sleep and prepare for the big day, you know. When was the last time YOU took a 19 hour nap? Yeah, me either. Sounds good though, doesn't it?

Of course, being two, he doesn't know it's his birthday, and didn't understand any of it. But he was pretty pleasantly surprised when a routine shopping trip to Albertson's netted him a donut, a Blue's Clues balloon "oh wow!" and not one but TWO large bouncy playground balls! "Oh yea! Oh boy!" Then all his friends came over to play in the backyard, we had cinco de mayo tortillas and cheese for snacks, ANOTHER nap!, and dinner with daddy and the cousins....pizza....Nick's favorite! All that, and still the family party to come on Saturday. Grandma is making the cake of course. It's a 'surprise', since Ethan couldn't figure out what to pick for Nick to have as his cake. It's going to be cool, I'm sure!

Then at the end of the day, a card in the mail from Papa Doc made him smile one last time before bed! Open closed. Look at the rubber duck. Open it. Close it. "Cool!!" He just loved that duck on the cover! It's always the little things that they love the most! :)


Happy Birthday Nickers!

MOM!!! I need to tell you something....

Ethan: MOM!! I need to tell you something....
Me: Okay. Just tell me. You don't have to say 'I need to tell you something' first. Just tell me.
Ethan: OK. I need to tell you something.
Me: (I give up.) What?
Ethan: Numbers don't have arms or legs or hands or feet or toes!!
Me: Really???
Ethan: Yep, they really don't!!!

Um....okay.......

Hmmm.....

Nick, not to be outdone by big brother, started another totally cute, hysterical thing tonight.

Picture chubby cheeks (it just took me five tries to spell that...what is WRONG with me?)...

Anyway, picture chubby cheecks, face covered in chocolate chip cookie crumbs, and little baby voice...

Nick: Hmmmmmmmmmm...... .(Tapping his chin with his index finger JUST like Ethan)

and then (as of the LIGHT BULB went off...) I KNOW!!!!!

Hmmmmmmmm........I know!! Hmmmmmmmmm.......I know!!! Hmmmmmmmm I know!!!

He's totally cracking me up!!

Teacher appreciation

Next week is teacher appreciation week, so the kids are filling out these certificates to put in a book for the teacher. It's a fill in the blank type thing. Here's Ethan's:

Dear Mrs. Thompson,
You are the GOODEST teacher in the whole world. You have lots of PAPERWORK for your students. You are a HAPPY person, and you are FUN to be around. If you were in a talent contest, you would win first prize because your best talent is TELLING STORIES.

I think you are the most awesome teacher because
YOU TEACH ME MATH!!!

Love,
ETHAN

Did I mention that he sat at the table yesterday and CHOSE to do 18 pages in a subtraction workbook? Please, mom, please can I do some math work? PLEASE!!

Oh...all right.